Honest Pick-up Line

The most honest pick-up line I can think of at the moment: “You look like my next lapse in reason and judgment.”

Is it technically accurate? Yep.

Is there almost always a positive payoff of some kind (even when the relationship ends)? Sure.

Sometimes it’s okay to be stupid. In certain areas of life, you pretty much have to be. So enjoy, beloved dumbasses!

Sarcasm Development

My son, Gabriel, is in eighth grade and on the cusp of turning 14. It’s great watching different aspects of his personality develop. Recently, his smartassery has been undergoing a growth spurt. Here are a couple of examples.

  • He was spending the night with my mom and stepdad, and I went by there to see him after work. My mom asked me, “Can you eat a hot dog?” Gabe replied, “Well he’s capable of it. Whether or not he wants to, though…”
  • I was in the car with Gabe and Kylie, waiting in line at Zaxby’s. Gabe asked me what I would think if he started dating someone famous, and I told him I would be both happy and wary. I then asked him what he would think if I started dating someone famous, and he answered, “Well, I’d be really excited, especially if you got married. Because this very famous person would be my second dad.” Laughter and high fives ensued.

He’s mine, so he comes by it honestly.

Hello, Friend

I’ve noticed that a few females I know have started using “friend” as a way to address me (e.g., “I agree, friend,” “Oh friend, it was awful,” “That’s good stuff, friend”). It strikes me as weird. One reason is because it sounds awkward. If we were performing Shakespeare in the park or reenacting a scene from a Western, I wouldn’t think a thing of it. But it’s not how people talk nowadays and the anachronism just feels odd. I mean, I don’t wear a toga or a duster – not on a daily basis at least, and rarely together as part of the same outfit. Another reason is because they don’t seem to address anyone else that way. So it seems targeted, and the odd choice of words seems to be intentional. My attempts to decipher the message have yielded a variety of results. Here are a few of them:

  • “I don’t want to call you ‘dude’ or ‘buddy’, so ‘friend’ seemed like a reasonable alternative.”
  • “I’m very selective when using the word ‘friend’, and I want you to know I appreciate you.”
  • “I’m calling attention to the current state of our relationship for no particular reason. I might need medication.”
  • “I’m calling attention to the current state of our relationship because I’m in very high sexual demand and it helps me categorize.”
  • “This is my passive-aggressive way of letting you know that you’re never going to have sex with me. I assume everyone wants to have sex with me. Also, I’m a narcissist.”
  • “I’m hoping my awkward references will start a conversation. I’d like to address the current state of our relationship and possibly elevate it, but I don’t quite understand how direct and open communication works. “
  • “My significant other exhibits psychotic levels of jealousy and controlling behaviors, and I say ‘friend’ in an attempt to avoid huge fights. It rarely works, hence my constant mention of them during our conversations.”

Decoding efforts are ongoing.

A Few Thoughts on Orlando

  • It’s yet another case of stochastic terrorism, which is “the use of mass communications to incite random actors to carry out violent or terrorist acts that are statistically predictable but individually unpredictable. In short, remote-control murder by lone wolf.” 1
  • If you think stochastic terrorism is exclusive to Islam, you’re blinded by your own prejudice and aren’t paying attention.
  • If you blame the entirety of Islam for their violent acts yet say things like “he wasn’t a real believer” when the attacker is Christian, then your inconsistency and hypocrisy are duly noted. You should spend time sorting that out for yourself and thinking it through.
  • An attack on one of us is an attack on all of us. As human beings. If anyone can look at Orlando and see an opportunity for personal gain, advancing a political or ideological agenda, or anything other than the senseless and horrific destruction of precious, valuable human lives, then they are just as monstrous as the shooter.
  • Don’t jump to conclusions about anyone or anything in the middle of a shock like this. Mourn it, grieve it, let it affect you as any tragedy like this should.
  • Personalize this. Think your way through it. Don’t be quick to brush it aside because it hurts or it’s uncomfortable. Let it make you wiser. If you see the need to change something about yourself, then change it.
  • If it turns out there’s some sort of ideological machine which is manufacturing horrors like this, then every one of us should grab a hammer and break the machine together.
  • Be reminded of the brevity and frailty of life. That’s part of what makes it such a precious commodity. Don’t let that reminder make you timid or afraid. Instead, let it make you bold and determined to really live while you’re alive.
  1. https://valerietarico.com/2015/11/28/christianist-republicans-systematically-incited-colorado-clinic-assault/

6 Ideas for a Realistic Approach to Relationships

I’ve seen a lot of dating and relationship articles making the Facebook rounds lately. There’s never a short supply of these things, but the ones on the social media circuit tend to be the kind that drive me nuts. They’re too romanticized, too demanding, or too generalized. There are even articles telling religious people who they should and shouldn’t marry. I’ll save you the time and tell you these basically say, “Make sure they believe the same things you do,” which is short-sighted, naive, and arrogant to the point of being useless and stupid. Outside of that, there’s nothing here that you couldn’t find in hundreds of other articles like “make sure they don’t have a cherished collection of machetes and hockey masks”. Continue reading

Lately

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

– Hedley Lamarr

You can never go wrong with a good movie quote, and Blazing Saddles is rich ground. My mind has been going in a hundred different directions lately, but not because I’m formulating a nefarious plot. I just have a lot of different interests and not enough time to do them all, so it gets noisy in my head. When it gets that way, I find it helpful to pull away and sort it out. That’s why I haven’t posted in a few weeks.

To avoid getting bogged down in the details, here’s what’s been swirling around in my mind:

  • Analyzing my personal brand and regretting using the term personal brand
  • Compiling ideas for video projects and trying not to forget where I wrote them down
  • Learning a new animation program to inject some visual variety into my animation projects
  • Gaming and deciding whether to do some game play videos for more variety
  • Wondering whether I’m after too much variety
  • Continuing writing my second book
  • Conducting a religious discussion over Facebook which is actually a conversation and not a shouting match
  • Wondering why I still have a Facebook account since I never post on it
  • Considering website options and trying to determine whether a WordPress site is the best way to bring everything together
  • Coming to my senses and realizing I need to get off my ass and produce some content instead of just sitting around thinking about it

Thanks for hanging with me. The adventure continues!