The most honest pick-up line I can think of at the moment: “You look like my next lapse in reason and judgment.”
Is it technically accurate? Yep.
Is there almost always a positive payoff of some kind (even when the relationship ends)? Sure.
Sometimes it’s okay to be stupid. In certain areas of life, you pretty much have to be. So enjoy, beloved dumbasses!
My son, Gabriel, is in eighth grade and on the cusp of turning 14. It’s great watching different aspects of his personality develop. Recently, his smartassery has been undergoing a growth spurt. Here are a couple of examples.
- He was spending the night with my mom and stepdad, and I went by there to see him after work. My mom asked me, “Can you eat a hot dog?” Gabe replied, “Well he’s capable of it. Whether or not he wants to, though…”
- I was in the car with Gabe and Kylie, waiting in line at Zaxby’s. Gabe asked me what I would think if he started dating someone famous, and I told him I would be both happy and wary. I then asked him what he would think if I started dating someone famous, and he answered, “Well, I’d be really excited, especially if you got married. Because this very famous person would be my second dad.” Laughter and high fives ensued.
He’s mine, so he comes by it honestly.
I’ve noticed that a few females I know have started using “friend” as a way to address me (e.g., “I agree, friend,” “Oh friend, it was awful,” “That’s good stuff, friend”). It strikes me as weird. One reason is because it sounds awkward. If we were performing Shakespeare in the park or reenacting a scene from a Western, I wouldn’t think a thing of it. But it’s not how people talk nowadays and the anachronism just feels odd. I mean, I don’t wear a toga or a duster – not on a daily basis at least, and rarely together as part of the same outfit. Another reason is because they don’t seem to address anyone else that way. So it seems targeted, and the odd choice of words seems to be intentional. My attempts to decipher the message have yielded a variety of results. Here are a few of them:
- “I don’t want to call you ‘dude’ or ‘buddy’, so ‘friend’ seemed like a reasonable alternative.”
- “I’m very selective when using the word ‘friend’, and I want you to know I appreciate you.”
- “I’m calling attention to the current state of our relationship for no particular reason. I might need medication.”
- “I’m calling attention to the current state of our relationship because I’m in very high sexual demand and it helps me categorize.”
- “This is my passive-aggressive way of letting you know that you’re never going to have sex with me. I assume everyone wants to have sex with me. Also, I’m a narcissist.”
- “I’m hoping my awkward references will start a conversation. I’d like to address the current state of our relationship and possibly elevate it, but I don’t quite understand how direct and open communication works. “
- “My significant other exhibits psychotic levels of jealousy and controlling behaviors, and I say ‘friend’ in an attempt to avoid huge fights. It rarely works, hence my constant mention of them during our conversations.”
Decoding efforts are ongoing.
It’s not uncommon for all sorts of topics and mental images to come up during casual conversation, and they can lead to some interesting places if followed. Continue reading
I’ve seen a lot of dating and relationship articles making the Facebook rounds lately. There’s never a short supply of these things, but the ones on the social media circuit tend to be the kind that drive me nuts. They’re too romanticized, too demanding, or too generalized. There are even articles telling religious people who they should and shouldn’t marry. I’ll save you the time and tell you these basically say, “Make sure they believe the same things you do,” which is short-sighted, naive, and arrogant to the point of being useless and stupid. Outside of that, there’s nothing here that you couldn’t find in hundreds of other articles like “make sure they don’t have a cherished collection of machetes and hockey masks”. Continue reading
My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
– Hedley Lamarr
You can never go wrong with a good movie quote, and Blazing Saddles is rich ground. My mind has been going in a hundred different directions lately, but not because I’m formulating a nefarious plot. I just have a lot of different interests and not enough time to do them all, so it gets noisy in my head. When it gets that way, I find it helpful to pull away and sort it out. That’s why I haven’t posted in a few weeks.
To avoid getting bogged down in the details, here’s what’s been swirling around in my mind:
- Analyzing my personal brand and regretting using the term personal brand
- Compiling ideas for video projects and trying not to forget where I wrote them down
- Learning a new animation program to inject some visual variety into my animation projects
- Gaming and deciding whether to do some game play videos for more variety
- Wondering whether I’m after too much variety
- Continuing writing my second book
- Conducting a religious discussion over Facebook which is actually a conversation and not a shouting match
- Wondering why I still have a Facebook account since I never post on it
- Considering website options and trying to determine whether a WordPress site is the best way to bring everything together
- Coming to my senses and realizing I need to get off my ass and produce some content instead of just sitting around thinking about it
Thanks for hanging with me. The adventure continues!