Thus Spake Springfield

It’s surprising how song lyrics can hit you different ways at different times. I was listening to “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield over the weekend because I love 80s music and of course I was. That particular song stands out to me because I don’t recall any other song lyrics employing the phrase “the point is probably moot”. However, the lyrics to the bridge struck a particular chord with me because they so perfectly summarize the vast majority of my romantic experiences.

And I’m looking in the mirror all the time,

Wondering what she don’t see in me.

I’ve been funny, I’ve been cool with the lines.

Ain’t that the way love’s supposed to be?

Of course, the point of those experiences is also probably moot. Mr. Springfield, you know me all too well.

A Distinctly ‘Murican Olympic Event

I caught a bit of the diving competition yesterday and it got me thinking about an event for those who can’t dedicate all of their time to being an athlete yet still somehow aren’t counted as professional athletes.

Redneck diving.

  • It would be conducted from the same heights as current Olympic diving platforms.
  • Platform presentation is an important scoring component, so divers are encouraged to dress outlandishly and carry bizarre accessories.
  • Another scoring component centers around what the diver yells as they leave the platform and approach the water, how clearly it can be understood, how unusual the wording is, and how funny it sounds overall.
  • Divers can enter the water in any manner they choose. Bigger, higher splashes will result in higher scores. Higher scores will also be awarded based on how painful the dive sounded or looked.

If curling is a sport, redneck diving should be too.

Honest Pick-up Line

The most honest pick-up line I can think of at the moment: “You look like my next lapse in reason and judgment.”

Is it technically accurate? Yep.

Is there almost always a positive payoff of some kind (even when the relationship ends)? Sure.

Sometimes it’s okay to be stupid. In certain areas of life, you pretty much have to be. So enjoy, beloved dumbasses!

Sarcasm Development

My son, Gabriel, is in eighth grade and on the cusp of turning 14. It’s great watching different aspects of his personality develop. Recently, his smartassery has been undergoing a growth spurt. Here are a couple of examples.

  • He was spending the night with my mom and stepdad, and I went by there to see him after work. My mom asked me, “Can you eat a hot dog?” Gabe replied, “Well he’s capable of it. Whether or not he wants to, though…”
  • I was in the car with Gabe and Kylie, waiting in line at Zaxby’s. Gabe asked me what I would think if he started dating someone famous, and I told him I would be both happy and wary. I then asked him what he would think if I started dating someone famous, and he answered, “Well, I’d be really excited, especially if you got married. Because this very famous person would be my second dad.” Laughter and high fives ensued.

He’s mine, so he comes by it honestly.