Experiences teach us a lot about life. Here are a few of my recent experiences which have taught me a thing or two:
- If you tell your mom that you’re changing a light fixture but then you don’t answer her call later on because you’re in a movie theater, she’s going to assume you’re dead. She’s also going to assume that numerous consecutive follow-up calls will act as a defibrillator.
- ADDENDUM: Put your phone on vibrate when you’re at the movie theater and remember that it’s okay to not check it every two minutes. Enjoy the damn movie and don’t be a dick.
- Individual roles in social situations are fairly fluid, but a person’s characteristics tend to favor certain roles more frequently than others. My wit, charm, and conversation skills make me perfectly suited to be the guy that women feel comfortable talking to about how hot they think my friends are.
- I’ve always heard that beer is an acquired taste. During the Super Bowl this year, I noticed that I had acquired it. I don’t know when the taste-acquiring moment occurred, but I do know that my bar tabs will be cheaper.
- One night out, a woman in her sixties with a bad hip and a gigantic ass walked up and drunkenly frenched a buddy of mine. When her shocked and appalled friend asked her if she was going to do that to me too, she wrinkled her nose in refusal. I learned a lot about the true state of my self-esteem when I processed that one.