Today is Ugly Sweater Day at the office, but I don’t have one of those hideous holiday sweaters. I would go buy one, but I imagine I’d have to go to a women’s clothing store and look in the “holy shit, please get this out of here” section of the clearance rack, and I just don’t feel like doing that. It’s not because I’m afraid of questions or strange looks. Hell, I’d probably tell the salesperson that I was really wanting to win my church’s annual holiday drag show and I needed the perfect sweater to complete my outfit. No, I just don’t feel like going to the mall and fighting the insane crowds since I have the internet and I don’t have to.
I wore a regular sweater today because, hey, it’s officially winter and I enjoy being an adult who can pick out seasonally appropriate clothes all by myself. What seemed a simple wardrobe choice became a potential complication. Will they think I chose this particular sweater because I think it’s ugly? It’s one I normally wear, so maybe they’ll think I like wearing ugly clothes on purpose. Or perhaps they’ll think I’m wearing a regular sweater in protest of Ugly Sweater Day. Maybe I’m unwittingly making a statement against the cruel label used of festive holiday wear and I long for the day when sweaters of all kinds can be seen for the fabric they’re truly made of.
Or maybe I just need another cup of coffee with an extra few shots of Bailey’s. Yeah, that’s the ticket.